Internship (Week 1).

So if you do not know: I have started my student-internship, as a High School 10th & 11th grade US History teacher. Crazy!!! So. Technically, I started last Wednesday (August 18th), but this was my first full week. Wow. That's really where I am right now. At a wow. Let me just paint a picture of this fall for you. I have felt that Lord has definitely called me to these places in life:

1. Internship

2. Active involvement within the church that I am involved in.

3. Pursuing a young lady. (Don't worry. I've talked to her about it and she's okay with it).

So. Before this fall, I felt very overwhelmed with the idea of balancing all three of these things (among many other things). Doing my internship "well". Doing ministry "well". Pursuing "well". I've come to be one of those people that desires depth over coverage. What I mean is that I (and I'm sure you do too) would like to do things well, and not give a half-effort at it. (Clearly: there is definite grace in this, in that I do not come close to doing anything perfectly. But the truth is that, we are suppose to do all things for the Lord, and when we do things for the Lord, I think it's fair to say that we should want to do them beyond just "well"). This idea has flesh/practicality to it: deep relationships with few people that go a mile deep vs. many relationships with people that are an inch-deep. I desire the depth. So, while having this mindset, it has it's restrictions of where I decide to invest time. It means that I have to be strategic with my time and be intentional with where I spend it.

So trying to go deep with relationships in all three areas, seems like a daunting task, but I know that He has called me there for a reason, and I know that He'll sustain me with every word, every bit of strength (that I'll need), every conversation and He is faithful when I am not.

Teaching. Is it in you?

So for one of my classes this summer we were given ten questions for our final exam. Each answer was to be one page long (typed single space). What was interesting about these questions, was the way that our teacher described them, "These are all potential teacher interview questions". So this assignment in the long run, is beneficial, in the present, tedious. I found that most of my answer were "surface-level" "hire me please" answers. But I found myself truly drawn to this question: Why do you want to be a teacher? It's bold. It's honest. It came from my heart.

I want to be a teacher because I love people. I love people that do not have it all together, people that are looking for answers, people that are confused, people that know that there is truth out there but they just do not know how to get it exactly. I love people that are looking for purpose and identity. I have found that there is a great collision of those things and being a teacher. When we are honest with ourselves, when we were younger, we did not have it all together, we were constantly looking for answers, we were confused for the most part, and we were looking for purpose and identity. As a teacher I have that opportunity of pointing them to answers, clarifying confusion, leading them to truth through research and even past the mist of education and knowledge, strengthening their core, their character development. I am not supposing that I brain wash kids to what I believe or do not believe. I want them to be able to look at the deck of cards handed to them and play them, and not only just play them but to enjoy doing it.

I want to be a teacher because I love education. Honestly, I love education because I see in my own personal relationship with Jesus Christ, the similarities that Jesus has with me. How he loves me unconditionally, regardless of how many times I screw it up and do not have the right answers, he continually wants to teach me and lead me to truth. And honestly, He does it with a tender hand when He needs to and He does it with a strong hand when He must. All in all, I want to be a teacher because we have a huge sphere of influence.

At the end of the day, I want to be a teacher because that is something that I am passionate about. Teaching. That is it, nothing really fancy about it. I honestly am not overly passionate about social science. What I am passionate about is that kids learn. That kids develop in a healthy manner that will sustain them more than just a few years after high school. I want kids to be able to walk away from their high school years and say that they learned about life and how to adapt and survive in it. But I like I said previously, not merely survive but to live a fulfilling life satisfied past a job and past an big time degree from a college. But truly tap into what life is about. In the words of a favorite musical artist of mine he says, “we’re all connected”. We are social creatures, meant for interaction, meant for each other and I want kids to not only know that but also believe that. Belief is a funny thing, because it is something that you on your own decide, at the end of the day, you have the choice of what you believe and why. It is at that crossroad that I want to be, seeing where and why kids make decisions, while in the process help leading them to their decision (not mine).

I want to be a teacher because I want kids to know about the world and how big it is. I want kids to know that the world they live in is so small compared to how big the world really is. I want to widen their gaze to something that they cannot explain by themselves unless they go experience it. I want my students to go explore to the ends of the earth. Why? Humility. When they begin to explore as I have, they realize that life is so similar and different for people cross culturally. People are so similar in what they struggle with, identity and purpose and yet different in circumstances and how they respond to those circumstances that define their character and resilience. I want to help breach those misconceptions with truth and instilling seekers of truth.

Finally, I want to teach because I believe that love is where change begins. Six years ago I realized that this world is messed up, that corruption and selfishness reign in the streets that I lived in. I saw it on the news, I saw it in the faces of my friends and family and I lived in it. I have lived in selfishness. I have lived in selfishness and pride in myself and what I can accomplish with my own weak hands, and what I have come to realize and believe is that love is where change begins. It is where change began for me, and once I received that love through a wide variety of influences in my life, I realized that it is for a greater cause and purpose that we are here. And if I can share the purpose of life to people, to lose yourself in loving other people and living for something bigger than you, then it is all worth it. That is where I get my strength, knowing that this life that I live is not for me, it is for a greater purpose. Greater than educating all the kids in the entire world and trying to change every single life that I encounter, because the world has already changed dramatically through one man, namely Jesus Christ. That is how I will go to sleep at night, with peace in my heart and grace on my hands. Resting that in my own abilities I can do nothing apart from Him, while yet working in light of the grace that I have been given.

Next blog I'll tell you why I think that it is interesting... Stay tuned.

Where I stand.

Hindu gods will bow before You

Amazing stuff. God's timing is perfect!! Crazy stuff. Okay, so this is the situation. The other day I began writing a portion of this blog and realized that I would not finish it. Funny thing is that who would of thunk it, that the Lord was wanting me to wait to write about this portion for today. Why do I say that He wanted me to wait today? Because this morning the Lord really just began to burden my thoughts with Bali. Earlier this summer I got to spend about 10 days there soaking in the culture and the people. Learning about there lifestyle, sharing life with them, and deepening community with 9 other friends. While I was there I learned a lot about Balinese Hinduism. I asked a lot of questions as to why they serve the gods that they served, and the typical response was something along the lines of Karma. For those of you who don't know exactly what Karma is, ask one of your Hindu friends. If you don't have a Hindu friend, go make one (Philippians 2.10-11).

From what I learned about their lifestyle and how they lived, it seems to me that life is very very scary. Let me explain a little bit more, but before I do that I want to address something. I'm sure that some readers might read this blog entry and say, "gosh, he's quite judgemental on other religions/lifestyles, etc. We should all COEXIST (as the bumper sticker reads), and live in religious harmony. Not saying that one religion is better or worse than another".

I share these stories not to put myself or people that follow and have a relationship with Jesus Christ on a pedestal. I share these stories to tell of the life that I have found and what joy, peace, and satisfaction that comes from it, consistently. I share these stories to share what life I have found.

So back to the story about: fear. In the conversations that I started have while I was in Bali, I began to hear a common theme, that people functioned a lot out of duty. Duty and works was to be an effort to attain salvation or heaven. The more and more conversations I had with people, I realized that, the hopeful acquisition of salvation or heaven was completely at the mercy of their gods. They had no definite or secure foundation that they would arrive in heaven. What duties and works practically looked like in Bali was: offerings in the morning and the evening to their gods. Two specific offerings in the morning, one on a mailbox looking thing (as shown below):

The other was on the ground.

which was used as an offering to keep the demons away. I can't even to begin to tell you the darkness that was present in Bali while we were there. [I also can't even begin to tell you the light that was being shined in Bali while we were there as well.] Something that I was reminded of a few days ago was the very first morning that we were in Bali. Everyone on the team woke up at around the same time to the sound of Chanting of a loud speaker from the neighbors next door. To be honest we were all a little freaked out by it. The sudden boom of a strange language to a rhythm and rhyme we had really never heard in person before caught all of us off guard. We knew that it was not of God. We knew that it was worship, but it was not worship to and for the Only True God (Jesus). We knew that it was tied to one of the religions in Bali (i.e. False gods). So what was our response?? We woke up that morning worshipping. Reading Scripture. And singing over the house we were all staying in for the next 5 days or so. It was a tangible reality of the battlefield we were just put on in Bali. That darkness and the evil one hated that we were there, and tried to thwart His (Jesus) plan for us in Bali. But as we sang, "if God is for us, then who can be against us?" (Isaiah 50.2., 8-9). A common battle cry for us while we were there.

How does this translate here in my hometown?

Something that we realized while we were in Bali is that there were idols and false gods everywhere. Seeing the alters and temples that human hands had built to worship gods and idols were everywhere. They (Balinese people) had religious rituals that bound them to duty and hard work. A staggering truth was that the crime rate is one of the lowest in the world because of their belief and fear in their gods, i.e. Karma (Hinduism). Here's the truth for us here, we all have our own idols in our life. They may not be as tangible or physical as the idols in Bali or anywhere else in the world with temples, sacrifices, or rituals, simply they are the strongholds in our own life. Strongholds (in my dictionary) is defined as this: Something that you find yourself bound to. That you could not walk away from because of your love for it. And you sacrifice God (Jesus, The Father, Holy Spirit) for that stronghold. To help translate this, I'll give an example in my own life: A stronghold in my life has been the way people think/view me. I want so much, the approval of man and the praise of their lips. That desire has been in competition with the approval of God. So what I have is, The Praise of Man vs. The Desire of God for my life. Which one am I to choose?? If I choose The Praise of Man, then it is a reflection of a stronghold in my life. (Here's the gospel: God takes us into the desert away from comfort and speaks tenderly to us. Making us depend completely on Him. Stripping away our strongholds. Hosea 2). (More examples of strongholds: possessions, where we spend our time, television, internet, Facebook, blogging, etc.). While there is nothing inherently wrong with possessions, television, blogging etc., we know that it is a stronghold when they control our days. They control our thoughts. They control our decisions, rather than God controlling our hearts and mind.

So I speak: Stripping away strongholds is not a pleasant feeling/experience in the moment (much like putting Hydrogen Peroxide on a cut), but you know that it is for the good, though you may not like it in the moment, you know that it will preserve you and keep you from becoming infected and neutralized.

So I ask: What are your strongholds? Have you put them before the Lord (Jesus)? Have you weighed the consequences of idolatry against God? Have you seen His mercy? Do you see His love for you?

So He says: "My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the LORD reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights." (Proverbs 3.11-12)

Where I stood.

Here are some pretty blunt and honest thoughts I have. I would like to preface all of this with this: The LORD is good, all the time, in and through every season.

So sometimes when I am driving places or thinking about things I will write them in my nifty little note application on my iPhone. Here are some of my scattered thoughts:

By Products of Life

-In my life I have worked so much for the by-products of things. What I mean by, 'by-products' is that I have gone for the secondary things of life rather than the primary things. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5.22-23).

My desire for the longest time is to have these things evident in my life: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. But here's the hard truth for me (and maybe for you): Unless you love the Lord God with all your heart, soul, mind and spirit, none of these things are possible/enduring. Sure you can love people, you can be patient in some circumstances, you might even be able to be joyful every once and awhile. But something that I realized in those times, is that there was really no satisfaction from being patient, joyful, or kind. What I mean, is that I was functioning out of wanting to look as if I had fruit. As if I were living from the vine, and not apart from it. Well a quick botany lesson, if a fruit tries to live apart from it's roots or branch, it will die. I guess what I'm saying is that, where I've stood has given me perspective about the nature of fruit. The place in which I live (the Bible-believing, God fearing, Republican-voting, and white-middle class America [insert sarcasm]), I have learned what it means to look/act like a Christian. To do all the "right things". To say all the right things. But in reality, in the heart, I have found that it is unsatisfying when you are not functioning from the Vine (namely: Jesus Christ). There is no enduring satisfaction because when I do try to function apart from Jesus, I am functioning for myself. I am functioning for the approval of others, which is temporary and inconsistent. I guess what I am saying/am learning, is that striving for by-products is stupid. I mean practically speaking let's look at a ever-overplayed sports analogy:

Let's say that I love baseball (which I do), and I wanted to look like a professional baseball player (namely: Hideki Matsui or Ichiro or Dice-K or any other fantastic Asian baseball player). But the reality is this: I am not a professional baseball player. I can dress like them. I can even try to talk like them. I can spit out jargon and try to imitate what they do. But at the end of the day, I am just a poser (someone who tries to look like someone they aren't) and I am a person without an identity, because I try to find my identity in something/someone that I'm not.

So essentially what I am saying, if you want natural, real, enduring fruit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control), go to the Vine.

Prune me back

So now that we have addressed what it means to be part of the vine. Let's talk about the vinedresser.

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit" (John 15.1-2)

-In short, these are my thoughts. He takes away the fruit that tries to look like fruit and does not grow. But the fruit that does bear fruit, He cuts back in order that it might continue to grow more fruit. In order that his Vine might bear more fruit. That it might produce more glory. That He might be magnified, proclaimed, and exalted among people.

So prune me back, so that I might produce more of your glory.

I'm going to stop here and talk more about the rest of this stuff tomorrow.

Wedding Aisle.

Wedding Aisle from John Crosland on Vimeo.